i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize