i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
