I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
