Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
