I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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