let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
