I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
