well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
