So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
