i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
