no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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