My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
