You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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