dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
