everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
