She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
