After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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