I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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