About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
