I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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