Your dad touched me again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
