It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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