I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
