apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
