the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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