I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
