I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
