Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
