I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
