my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
