I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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