Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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