Got a toothbrush?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
