He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Randomize
