1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
