69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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