a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
