I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
