She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
