I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
