And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
