I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this boner is exhausting
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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