My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
