My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
