i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
