I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
