I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
