using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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