pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
