My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
