Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
