just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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