At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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