u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
