i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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