if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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