He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
