this beer tastes like vomit already
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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