And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
