just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
