I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
