Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
