If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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