I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
