i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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