I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
