haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
