Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
