you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
