I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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