no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
