Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
