I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
