I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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