We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
