Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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