I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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