Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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