Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
