Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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