I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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