He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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