My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
