yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
