I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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